Retirement Conversations

Introduction

Even in retirement it’s good practise to sharpen your focus on the future by asking questions of yourself. Here is an example to ponder.

Retirement is your gift of time: an opportunity to reflect on yourself and your relationships, beyond the noise, distraction and hurly-burly of a work life. Here is a way to make use of that gift: think about the conversations you have with friends and family now that you are retired and time is no longer your master.

Are you totally satisfied? Do you think improvement is possible? If your answer is “yes” and “no” then read no further.  But if you are curious about enriching your interactions then let’s explore what makes conversations meaningful.

A good starting point is the Oxford English Dictionary, in which we read that a conversation is

“Interchange of thought and words”.

Obviously there are words and thoughts in conversations, so there isn’t much more to add. There remains that strange word “interchange”, which I call the back and forth of conversation. To better understand what this means, let's examine different types of conversations retirees often engage in.

Types of conversational interchanges between retirees

Here is a preliminary list, which is by no means meant to be exhaustive.

1.   Catch-up between long-time friends

I recently had the good fortune to casually overhear a conversation between two men, probably in their 70s, that consisted of an interchange of recollections. As far as I could tell their two hours together centred on the topics of rowing and camping in the countryside. Everything said related to their deep past, but they seemed happy.

2.   Boasting

This is a conversational mode in which the achievements of brilliant grandchildren, and to a lesser extent children, are catalogued and recited in depth. While pride is natural, these conversations can sometimes feel more like recitals than dialogues.

3.   Anecdotes

We all tell anecdotes. The aim is typically to amuse rather than inform. The atmosphere of anecdotes often becomes competitive. Who can tell the best anecdote, a competition probably better suited to actors and professional comedians than ordinary people.

4.   Grievances

This is a biggie. Eavesdrop on any conversation in public, on the bus, in a café, in the street and you’re guaranteed to hear one. Often you hear words and phrases such as:

·       You’ll never guess what she said next

·       How dare they, it’s too much

Usually the grievance is a story that masks a deeper discontent, and wouldn’t you like to know what that is.

5.   Technical

These usually convey information, say about politics. However, when you hear them they are often someone else’s opinion from a newspaper or TV served up warm on a plate as if they are original insights.

6.   Having a laugh

Isn’t it fun when you chat with friends where the aim is to generate laughs? These can be the most rewarding conversations.

7.   Adding spice

You could try to freshen up the conversation with some inspiring questions. For example, by asking people to name a character trait they wish they could acquire and another they would love to jettison. This invites spontaneity and self-reflection, which can make the conversation more engaging.

8.   Emotional interchange

 Small talk has its place, but sometimes you want to go deep with friends. This provides a space in which to share struggles, frustrations, and personal growth. Supporting a friend through life’s challenges can create stronger, more meaningful connections.

 Conclusion

Are your conversations bringing you true satisfaction? Of course, not every exchange will be life-changing, but it’s worth reflecting on your interactions from time to time. Ask yourself:

• Did I walk away having learned something new?

• Was I more passive than I wanted?

• Did our conversation focus on the future rather than just nostalgia?

Retirement offers the freedom to engage in richer, more fulfilling conversations. Why not take up the offer?