A case study on finding meaning in retirement

Sue (not her real name), a high level specialist doctor, came to me because of her fears around retirement, which came from two sources. During a stint of long-service leave some years ago she found herself at a loose end and didn’t cope well. Also she witnessed how her father failed to find meaning in retirement. Fears about impending retirement can be very real for people who haven’t located their personal meaning in retirement.  

Moreover for Sue, her thinking did not take place in isolation, and that is the case for most people. So, in a joint session her husband (already retired) expressed his concerns about how they can live happily together in retirement. His concerns centred on how, as a couple, they would juggle structure (so central to her work life) and freedom (so present in retired life). We worked on how her “driven personality” could find its place in their joint daily activities. This led to a regular topic in coaching: how to have difficult conversations.

Finally, in settling on her meaning in retirement, we discovered that she is a perfectionist with a deep-seated fear of failure. For her this often leads to an inner conflict between the opposing forces of “I can do it” versus “I can’t do it”. We discussed how that model may no longer serve her in retired life. To explain why perfectionism doesn’t need to matter in retirement, let me talk about myself for a moment.

I am a student of language. My Italian is quite good but my Japanese is awful. Actually that doesn’t matter. Why not? Because my goal is not perfection, it’s to meet Japanese speakers and help them with their English. This delivers meaning to me. I believe this example brings out the essence of meaning in retirement (although it is very peculiar to me and won’t relate to most people).

Sue realised through our discussions that she could find meaning by channelling her energies into activities that allow her to apply the top-line skills from her work life, such as mentoring. This would satisfy her need for structure. I reminded Sue that – as her own boss in retirement – she has the freedom to be flexible and make changes along the way.