Imbalances and asymmetries in retirement

Asymmetries in Retirement

If you have a partner, this article may resonate with you. If you don’t, you might know someone who would benefit from reading it.

I want to discuss two stages in the transition to, and experience of, retirement—both of which involve couples, whether married, de facto, or in another arrangement.

The first stage occurs when one person in the couple retires while the other continues to work. This situation often brings about challenges due to the imbalance—or asymmetry—between them. For instance, the partner who is still working may come home eager to share stories from the day, while the retired partner may have fewer to contribute. Or, the working partner may feel frustrated by still needing to earn money while the other does not. These issues, though natural, can be resolved. For example, the partner at home might take on more household responsibilities as a way to contribute. Communication is essential here to ensure understanding and balance.

Now, let’s consider a second scenario: both partners have retired. Here, a different source of tension can emerge if one person wants to embrace a phase of personal growth, while the other prefers a more defensive, status-quo approach. What do I mean by these terms?

A defensive mindset seeks stability, aiming to maintain things as they are. A growth mindset, on the other hand, looks for new challenges and opportunities, whether through travel, study, or social networking. Such differences in outlook can cause friction, but with open communication, couples can find ways to support each other’s desires.

In summary, there are two primary sources of potential conflict as couples transition into retirement. I believe both can be addressed and resolved through communication—and possibly with the help of a retirement coach. Please reach out for help….contact details are on this website.